tothehilltops | Welcome

Oh, Kelly, I'm so glad you made it! I'm looking forward to getting to know you better in the upcoming months. Welcome, welcome!

I like the way your initial decision regarding dating (i.e. not seeking it until you were ready to consider marriage as well) complements an upcoming post by Melanie, on the equal-but-opposite error: giving a dating relationship the same tenacious till-death-do-us-part work that belongs in marriage. It'll go up tomorrow, in case you're interested. But I think it's good for us to hold the two realities simultaneously: that dating ought not be flippant, but neither should poor dating relationships be viewed as set in stone, the way rough patches in marriage are.

I'd like to add, too, that it's hard for me to envision your dad NOT talking about any subject, however taboo, that relates so crucially to spiritual health and right relationship with God :-)

Is anyone still checking this thread?

Hi. My name is Sophia. I'm engaged. And I've had sex.

Yeah, I know, I'd like to introduce you to other aspects of myself (like the fact that I think I have the dubious honor of being the only person to have actually met in person all but one of the members here). Or the fact that I'm an event planner and I just got the most brilliant internship ever. Or the fact that my fiance and I are improvisers, and I think that basically all of life should involve doing improv comedy or reading a book.

But honestly, the thing that has kept me lurking in the background, afraid to open up to this community, is anger and fear and shame and joy regarding the very purpose of the community: sex.

I'm a pretty liberal Christian, which I think makes me a minority in this community. I'm a Lutheran (ELCA). My pastor is a partnered gay man. My relationship with God is long on love and short on obedience. I'm a bit defensive about this, because I've been pretty burned in the past by people of a more conservative theological bent whose keen intent on holiness had narrowed into an obsession that deadened them to remembering to love me. I'm defensive about saying that, because several members of this community are members of the church community or network that I perceive in this way, that I still feel I am recovering from, that I still occasionally desperately want to warn people away from.

I'm also bisexual. I'm defensive about this too! (Are we noticing a trend?) But I think that the fact that I am attracted to both men and women is a healthy, beautiful, God-given thing, and that my sexuality as the whole being of my thoughts and spirit and body in relation to sex cannot be untied from its queerness, and shouldn't be. That I have a uniquely lovely sexuality in part because it is queer.

Right, back to the having sex. I was talking with Kay on the phone earlier today, and she mentioned that everyone here is struggling with sex and sexuality in a very visceral, powerful, painful way--we're just struggling with different aspects of it. That's hard for me to enter into, because the struggle of sex being so right because everything is right about it except the timing wrestling with the words of well-intentioned friends who believe the lying Church narrative of "you will feel horrible about sex before marriage" is very, very visceral and painful right now. It's hard to look up and see other people's struggles, and it's hard to believe that the well-meaning but ultimately useless platitudes are actually well-meant, that the somewhat academic space in which our minds meet is underlain with blood and tears and love.

And the short version is: I don't regret having had sex. (Maybe I will tell this story sometime, how the first time I had sex was, in the words of the Exultet, a "happy fault / O necessary sin of Adam / that won for us so great a redeemer." How I treasure it, because of its beauty. How having sex was what finally helped me see why God asks us to wait, what finally helped me to trust God enough to want to wait for sex until marriage.) What I regret is that we keep trying not to have sex and failing. It's discouraging. It allows guilt and shame and separation to God to enter into something that is staggeringly gorgeous and intimate and freeing and unifying (us to one another and us to God). It's alienating, lonely-making.

So, here I am, sisters. I confess to Almighty God, and to you, my sisters, that I have sinned through my own fault, in my thoughts and in my words, in what I have done and what I have failed to do. I ask Blessed Mary, all the angels and saints, and you, my sisters, to pray for me to the Lord Our God.

Oh, my dear Sophia, how glad I am that you took a huge gulp and decided to throw your lot in with us here. Welcome. Welcome.

I think you've arrived at clarity at last in the sentences you wrote here: "My relationship with God is long on love and short on obedience. I'm a bit defensive about this, because I've been pretty burned in the past by people of a more conservative theological bent whose keen intent on holiness had narrowed into an obsession that deadened them to remembering to love me."

That is really the heart of all the long rambles we sent back and forth to each other, yes?

And if I know anything about you, it is that you are opened and quickened to life by a lavishing of love---that contempt, judgment, or true-in-content-but-not-in-spirit rebukes whip up your hackles and drive you away. I happen to be married to a man who responds to life and fellow believers the same exact way, and his heart, as yours, is precious to me. :-)

So, I am praying that you joining hands with all of us motley crew will increase God's ability to lavish His love on you, and that in our camaraderie, we might all stumble a little nearer to Truth.

Bless you, dear, and welcome. I hope that this community will prove to be a balm to the parts of your heart that have been chafed and rubbed raw elsewhere.

Welcome dear!
It is nice to hear your voice here. And all of your perspectives. We will have much to talk about as I have struggled with some of your struggles, yet never come to understand my beliefs on all of them.
I grew up in a very conservative home, and was taught very conservatively about gender roles and marraige all my life...
Until I was in my senior year of highschool ready to go off to college and my dad left my mom...for a guy. Talk about confusion... I fought and struggled a lot with this... and I still struggle...maybe it will be good to hear your perspectives. I have finally learned how to have a good relationship with my dad after a lot of anger and hatred over my family being destroyed more by his leaving than his choices, but it was hurtful to me for a very long time that he had struggled so much with his own sexuality since he was in college really... and that I had been taught so conservatively and then got a bomb dropped on me... at least it felt that way.

ANYHOW. All that to say I am so thankful and blessed by your honesty of self and of feelings and thoughts and beliefs and I am so so glad you are going to join us.I will be very glad to hear your opinions on all our discussions....and I check all the threads allll the time to look for new comments so jump in! :)

-sarahjean

Dearest Denzi,

I value your honesty here. I know for me, it is easier to be honest among strangers - the chances of judgement are minimal among people who don't know you. I am praying for you, my dear.

I am also very glad that you have joined in our fellowship here. Each perspective and testamony adds greatly to our discussions.

Also, since when are you and Tom engaged? It occurs to me that I have been terrible about keeping up with you since I saw you at Christmas...

Thank you, Angel. :)

We are engaged but not technically engaged. As in--we decided in November that we want to get married, and have been working off of that presumption (finding a wedding date, beginning pre-marital counseling). Tom asked me to keep it under wraps so that he could do a more traditional surprise-with-ring and we could call everyone and squee and share joy then.

This worked...sort of...for two months, before I broke down and told Tom, "I HAVE TO TALK TO PEOPLE. THERE ARE ALL THESE BIG LIFE CHANGES AND FEARS I HAVE, AND NOT BEING ABLE TO SHARE THEM IS CUTTING ME OFF FROM EVERYONE I LOVE." And Tom went, "Oh, duh, that makes sense."

So you will still get a squealy phone call when Tom proposes, with ring, but in the meantime, we know we are getting married, and I have this time to talk with my sisters less about wedding planning and more about fears and struggles and joys of the process of joining our lives together.

Make sense?

Ahhh, we SO need to do a Happy Chant Dance for Sophia's engagement!! *extends hands*

Not yet! That has to wait for the official-squeeing-post-ring-celebration... or the wedding itself, maybe, if we don't see each other before then.

But, yes, a Happy Chant Dance will happen.

It totally makes sense... and it's very you-and-Tom, too.

I keep forgetting to check back on this page. Welcome welcome welcome! You sound like a very interesting character - I look forward to knowing you better! And I don't think you can say anything about your writing, because that was lovely. :)

Sophia, you are my new hero. (Yes, hero, not heroine, because you beat out all the boys on my list too!) You took the bull by the horns and told us not the outward Who You Are, but the inward - a thing of far more depth, intricacy and beauty. Bless you, dear heart. You boldness strengths my own heart, and gets me ever closer to unloading the secrets I carry in my breast.

Welcome!

Hi! Online I go by Cheyan (it's not my given name); I found this community via the Latest Things feed, and was intrigued, and here I am. The idea of a place that's all about discussing Christian womanhood really appealed to me, since I don't have anything like that sort of place in the offline world. :)

Hello stranger,

We were surprised that our little community was at all visible to the outside world... and we did in fact suffer a brief spasm of shyness and worry over the idea of letting a stranger come see our intimate thoughts. But in the end, we think that perhaps you were guided here for a reason, and so, we hesitantly entrust you with this space. Welcome, and we're glad to meet you.

(On behalf of the moderators)

Thank you! I'm glad you decided to let me in. (I'm sure there must be a way to keep communities off the Latest Things feed, if you'd like to reduce the number of people who spontaneously drop by in the future, but I don't know it.)

Yes, I think Sharon (our resident Internet-smarts lady) has deciphered a way to do this!

Welcome to the Hilltops, Cheyan!

Thank you! :)

Hi everyone!

My name is Hibisca, and I was invited here by Amanda, though I do know a handful of others here in person too. I've actually spent the past week reading through all the old entries and comments and can now confidently reaffirm my original excitement about this blog community/ extended fireplace sleepover.

The basics on myself... I am in my first year of grad school at Georgia Tech, where I've thought and re-thought about whether I really want to be an engineer. (Other career options currently in the running include piano teacher, high school teacher, stay-at-home suburban mom, and third-world country missionary.) I am in a relationship with a guy named Shune, and we've been together for three and a half years. Our story has been one of redemption in many ways, one including his coming to know Christ about a year ago.

Reading through this blog this past week has already been a huge blessing; I feel like I've caught a glimpse of what Paul means when he says "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind." I'm looking forward to the future of this community!

Yay and welcome! So glad you're here (especially when you say such lovely things about TTH :)). We should talk at some point about grad school doubts (I'm having them too)!

Welcome, welcome!

What a lovely choice of professions from which to choose. Mine include: adjunct college professor, librarian, mother and/or homemaker, author, missionary, and freelance writer/editor. Also I would consent to being the Queen of Books.

Welcome! I love your visual of an extended fireplace sleepover. Have some marshmallows! *passes bag*

SCAAAAAAAAAAAA

Hi :)

Beautiful scripture verse that you quoted, Hibisca! Welcome to the group, we are glad to have you here :)

Hi, I'm Tomi!

i'm a 20 year old emory college student currently taking the semester off. i'm a sociology major and a global health minor..haha sorry, i think i'd be going against my nature if i didnt include that information.

i was invited by tamara, and i know a couple other ladies on here as well. however, im thoroughly looking forward to getting to know you all in such a sweet and intimate way in this blessed community. <3

i guess in a way i'm learning more and more how God, Himself seeks us out personally and its a crazzyyy adventure honestly. its like i can mentally see myself running away from Him, or turning my back on Him, but for some reason that i still don't fully understand, He still wants me and ...wants to use this broken vessel of mine. i don't get it, and i struggle with it alot. i am finding, however that this struggle is leading and has lead to growth and a relationship that i would've never imagined a just short of a years ago. [sorries if alot of the stuff i say doesn't make sense im a "head-talker" too...haha...and if it isnt obvious already...i avoid the shift key and other grammatically correct..err..things.. :]] basically, thank God for grace..

im pretty conservative in most of my views of sex and sexuality. i probably get it mostly from my parents although we never had a "formal" talk, but their "tomi, once you lose it you'll never get it back" talks with me did quite the trick. personally im a little off and on about the issue, all within the context of marriage, of course. off in that its such a personal and intimate and barrier breaking process that im afraid to let someone else enter my life in such a personal way, regardless of the fact that the "someone" is my husband..and on, in that i hear its fun. haha..too much? either way, i'm single and in a place where in i want to learn to be joyful and purposeful in my single-hood...without an underlying theme of bitterness. i kinda struggle with this too...in that i tend to become attracted to guys and end up not knowing what to do with myself..haha im such a child..im sorry..

to be honest i can be a bit naive and guarded at times, which makes some topics a little uncomfortable for me, but im slowly but surely learning [ i like learning :D] that Godly community calls for some uncomfortable conversations...which leads to healing and prayer.

all in all IM SOOOOOOO EXCITEDDD!

-tons o love
tomes

Welcome

Welcome, Kelly!

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Joy at seeing you, dear one!

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honesty among friends

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Hi!

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Hello all :)

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more big seestturrss?? SPLEE!