Welcome

[syf]

(image via weheartit.com)

Hello and welcome to "To the Hilltops!" We're so glad that you are joining us and choosing to share in this journey toward an ethics of Christian womanhood.

Please view this post as an invitation to a comfortable seat beside a cozy fireplace. Come in, kick up your feet, grab yourself a cup of tea, and introduce yourself to everyone.  Who are you?  What brings you here?  How do you see the need for a community like this one in your life right now?

Excitedly,
the mods (Kay, Sharon, and Tamara)

Comments

Salutations, introductions, greetings, hey there.

[young_laugher]

So, apparently I'm a mod. I'm inclined to think this is a promotion in life, and I'm secretly vowing to sew a cape for the position.

I'm Kay, and chances are I know a good slice of you ladies in actual life, but others of you will be new. Now is my chance to assume an intimidating manner; the Internet is my only hope for intimidation tactics, since my actual face and general aspect tend to make people go Awww like they do around declawed kittens.

Sharon nudged me with her idea ("Hey, what do you think about a blog for quality Christian talk about sexuality?") and I clobbered her with eagerness. Chiefly this eagerness stems from two sources: 1) A sincere passion for more forthright discussion in the Church of such an influential aspect of human life, and 2) A personal history (and present) of health and joy in sexuality. In other words, I have a lot to say and no compunction about saying it.

I hear from so many young women and men that they grew up to a deafening silence about all things sexual within the Church. Exceptions exist (thank God). But overall, a topic that can't comfortably be broached in the Sunday pulpit falls by the wayside when it comes time to arrange the "older women instructing the younger" a la the epistles. We women can begin changing that among ourselves, here, just a little bit, even if none of us really qualify as "older." My guess is, we can get pretty far just reaching out a hand to one another where we're at today.

Where I'm at today---married. (Rather enamoured of marriage to this particular man.) It's been only three years, and so I still have sharp and near memories of singlehood, working and waiting, unrequited love, then engagement. Parenthood as yet remains a shrouded mystery. I'll keep you updated.

The only other things you ought to know about me, at least on initial introduction, are these:

1. I am of the stubbornly optimistic persuasion. One friend, when we were both teenagers, dubbed me Kay, Keeper of the Joy in All Things. I glory in this title.

2. Quotes tend to come out my ears, I love them so; and most of them wind up being C. S. Lewis.

So, hello; let me hear who you are!

Kay

Re: Salutations, introductions, greetings, hey there.

[trackers]

Will you be using sequins on your cape? :)

hello and hello

[syf]

And hello. I'm Sharon and know some of you from "real life" - and am very much forward to meeting the rest. (Over the interwebs for now, but in the future, who knows? [I sometimes like to shock people by telling them that I have been meeting people from the Internet since I was 18 and that no one has attempted to axe murder me... yet.])

Who I currently am has a great deal to do with what brings me here and why I find this community so vital. My husband and I moved as very new newlyweds to the Bay Area from the East Coast, leaving nearly the entirety of our close friends and support system behind. Besides mourning the sudden loss of opportunities to wear heels in a hilly city that requires daily walking, I also desperately missed the wisdom and presence of close friends when it came to embarking on this new adventure of marriage. Also, living in this area of California and being in academia means I rub elbows with people of a very liberal bent a great deal. While I consider myself both left-of-middle in many viewpoints and most definitely a feminist, I often find myself uneasy at the kinds of conversation that go on about marriage-as-gender-struggle that occur in these circles and feeling desirous of a more Biblically-based perspective.

So that's the somewhat selfish part of my motivation for creating this space. The greater part, however, comes from five years of deep involvement in church/women's ministry, during which time I heard again and again the longing of young women for an ethic of how to be a young Christian woman in a world where the Church is often silent on such matters. My hope with this community is that it can be one answer to this longing.

Howdy

[reading_angel]

Hey, everyone!

I'm known to my good friends(and internet peoples - two groups which normally overlap quite a bit) as Angel. I know a handful of you in real life, but most of those I met online first - Charis & Tams I think are the exceptions.

Currently I'm single, and very okay with it(finally). There is a young man at my church whom I am interested in, but he's so far shown no interest and I've finally been able to honestly and completely place it in God's hands(after about a year - I can be slow to let go of things).

Other than that, I'm living with my parents and working to pay off my student loans, and volunteering at an ESL program on Tuesdays and a GED prep class on Thursdays.

I'm not sure what else to say, so I'll just end this here...

Greetings

[smikaya]

Hello Ladies,
I had to smile at the opening post to this site due to the fact that I was reading it with my feet propped up on the couch and a mug of tea in my hands. I am clearly in the right place. :-)

I was invited to this group by my dear friend (and super-mod) Kay, and I look forward to meeting and making new friends in this marvelous group.

I am a night-shift working NICU nurse and the wife of two years to a wonderful husband. I can most often be found reading, puttering around in the kitchen, or working on some new crafty project - all while drinking concerning volumes of tea.

My initial feelings about this group were admittedly a mixture of nervousness along with a sense of relief and anticipation. I grew up in a world of that "deafening silence" in my church and my family, and the resulting journey into the world of womanhood, identity, and dating relationships was a stumbling, painful process. Now as a married woman, though many of the scraped knees and bruised elbows have healed through joy, I continue to search and question and struggle with what I should grow to be as a
Godly woman.

There is such a need for such group as this - a place for women to talk, and laugh, and uplift each other openly. Bless you brazen women for cracking open this Pandora's Box!

Re: Greetings

[young_laugher]

Love that last line. :-) Hurrah, more Sarah in my life!

oh. snap.

[tamster]

I feel like I am sitting in the room with all of you right now, and we are about to embark on the most epic slumber party ever. EVER. And the best part is that we won't have to play truth or dare....well, at least the dare part. I will NOT eat grass again!

*ahem*

I do believe this slumber party will be a bit more mature and a lot more Godly (see above statement about grass) than slumber parties of old. Hopefully our distance will encourage even more honesty, and in a healthy, sharpening way.

Where am I? I am a graduate student in Athens, which is 50-60 miles away from the cluster of womenfolk that I used to take for granted. Thankfully Mother Internet is bringing us all together. I think I've made one friend from a purely online beginning, so I'd love to increase that number. I am single. I dated once, and through that experience I am now chock full of dating don'ts, so there are blessings in all situations.

I think that's about it. Hello again!

Re: oh. snap.

[young_laugher]

You ate grass?

Is it terrible that you have now risen at least five points in my estimation?

Alright

[kfites]

Hey Ladies,
I see you all are very nice with words :) I have never done the whole "get to know someone over the internet" thing. Looking forward to getting to know you all! :)

Let's see...about me. I was brought here by my lovely friend Sharon (who I miss so much!) I am currently in my fifth year of teaching elementary school. (Kindergarten this year and 1st the last four). I have been married for four and a half years and have a renewed love for my husband every day. I also have a one year old little boy. He brings me so much joy!

I think its great to have a group of woman to talk about topics that a lot of the world is afraid of. I am excited to get started! :)

Re: Alright

[young_laugher]

It should also be noted that Kristi (spelling?) is one of the coolest, down-to-earth moms in the history of the universe, and she should be emulated by mothers everywhere.

Hello Everyone!

[trackers]

When my darling friend Kay first told me about this idea, I felt a sense of panic. Talk? About sex? Gasp!

Now, let me say that I am not a prude by any stretch of the imagination. But I, too, was raised in the "cone of silence" the church has created regarding this topic. To complicate matters, my father recently became a pastor. As you can imagine, people have all sorts of opinions on how the preacher's daughter should behave, and they aren't always shy about sharing them.

I will turn a quarter of a century this summer. I just got engaged to the love of my life, a man with the biggest heart of gold. We've been dating for three years now and are getting married in September.

I am so excited this group has been created! It will be an invaluable help. :)

Re: Hello Everyone!

[smikaya]

Hey! A fellow PK! It is a special world of weirdness all its own, certainly. Glad to meet you :-)

Re: from arithmetic to calculus

[young_laugher]

Welcome, Kathryn! I recognize the mark of a kindred spirit in your grammarian ways, even though I cannot quite follow you into the intricacies of higher math (though I do have a sneaking interest in that Calculus proof you mention, and if I can't make it out, my math genius father should be able to explain it to me).

Also, I'm psyched to make the acquaintance of a Philadelphian! My husband and I will be moving there to work at Esperanza Health Care Center in December 2011. So, perhaps I'll be picking your brain for places to visit and other such local wisdom!

[agreyeyedgirl]

Hello there :D I was putting off posting until I figured out something brilliant to say...but I give up (a dim glow will have to do).

I'm Charis, and I've been brought here by Sharon and Kay both. I've known some of you for a long time (either in person or online), and some of you I met at Sharon's wedding, and everyone else I look forward to getting acquainted with!

Let's see...I live in Texas, where I have an uninteresting office job that doesn't make any use of my degree in English (when people ask 'what do you do?' I tell them that I am paid to sit at a desk and make small movements with my hand. And this is completely true). I'm almost 25 (good grief), and I am single. I have always been single--if at any point someone showed some interest in me, I was (and continue to be) entirely oblivious. For a long time this really bothered me. I am over it now, and I'm grateful to be able to say that and mean it. It helps that I've never felt a lasting attraction towards anyone, I suppose (unless fictional men count).

I don't know that I was raised in a cone of silence concerning sexuality--my mom was a nurse, so she tended to be matter-of-fact about bodily functions, and the subject of purity was quite a big thing in our homeschooling community, but the discussion stopped short of what I needed. There isn't a lot of discussion about how to deal with sexuality as a single woman (and especially a woman prepared for the possibility of being single for a long time). After all, being a spinster doesn't make a person asexual.

There was an assumption (or seemed to me to be an assumption) in the communities and churches that I grew up in that marriage is the goal for young women. The lesson being drummed into girls in youth group was always that they needed to save themselves for their future husband, which assumes that there will BE a future husband. It's taken me seven years to realize how wrong this is, because what if there is no future husband? Does that negate the value of chastity? I don't think so, because a woman's chastity is something between her and God, not between her and a hypothetical man. This was an important thing for me to realize--that being single doesn't mean there is something wrong with me, and that being single isn't a problem. It's just where God has be right now, and he may keep me here, or he may move me to another stage of life that involves a relationship, but either way my focus should be on serving God where I am, as I am. (Understanding this and putting it into practice are very different).

In the interest of full disclosure (now that I have made a big deal about being single and how it is totally fine), sometime after March I have made a deal with myself to give online dating an official try. I wrote about it on my LJ, but that post is friends-locked so I'll replicate a bit of it here: "The point is that I think I'm perfectly capable of being a content, satisfied, and productive individual as a single woman, and I don't buy into the idea that I need another person to be complete, or to serve God, or to be truly happy, but I also don't want to not try something just because I have preconditioned myself to fail* or because I'm afraid or rejection or blah blah blah excuses blah blah. I also don't want to be so wrapped up in my own I-don't-need-a-relationship speech that I fail to realize that while I might not need something (or think I need it) I may still benefit from it and I should be open to possibilities. And if I'm meant to be single, then at the end of this experiment I will still be single, and still be content about it. And if I'm meant to be in a relationship and God has been waiting for me to open my heart to the idea, then I'll have the chance to find out."


...I'm in danger of getting ranty, so I'll just move along. Other things about me that aren't long ramblings! I like to make things, be it with knitting or sewing or painting or baking, and as part of that I like to write. I love to read, of course, and daydream about extravagant parties and organized craft rooms.

[syf]

Um, I don't think you're allowed say this introduction isn't brilliant, because it absolutely is.

Also, your understanding of chastity is one that some women take twice as long to come to (or never at all, sadly).

Finally, you realize I'm going to make you write guest posts about the wonderful world of online dating, right? ;)

what up!

[llchang]

Hi, my name is Lonnie Chang. I met Sharon and Tamara in Atlanta, GA when I went there for a church conference. They're pretty freaking awesome.

I am a struggling christian, wrestling with the world and trying oh so very hard to be obedient and submissive to the Lord (which doesn't really work all the time and usually leads to someone getting hurt).

I also studied structural engineering at UCSD (University of California, San Diego)...YES THAT'S RIGHT...I'M FROM CALIFORNIA! I am currently looking for jobs and waiting to hear back from graduate schools...which I'm not even sure I'm going to get accepted because I didn't really try.

All in all, I'm a stress case, but I love Jesus, at least I try to. I just got back from SD where I stayed there for two weeks and it was pretty amazing bc I got to go to the beach almost everyday and hung out with my engineering friends. I miss college, well I miss people. I'm a terrible writing because I'm an engineer...my thoughts are everywhere and unorganized. I apologize in advance :)

Thanks for reading!

Re: what up!

[tamster]

Lonnnnnnnieeeeeeeeeeee

God loves engineers, too :)

(no, I'm not bitter for being a lonely science major at an engineering school).

I like how you rep Cali, haha...Daisy Dukes, bikinis on top?

WARNING: I am SO not an English major.

[novemberseas]

To the writers in the group: forgive my bad grammar, run on sentences, sentence fragments, and over/improper use of the … I write the way I hear it in my head, as if I were talking to you. … is a better pause in my head then the ,
Consider yourself warned, please proceed with patience and have mercy on my writing :)

I really have no idea how to introduce myself...so here goes something...

My name is SarahJean, I am 25 and I hail (or hale) from the oh so exciting south central PA.
I am now really excited to be a part of this group, although I am by no means a writer (so Lonnie you and I shall be in good company, because I too am a stress mess.)Kay was my roommate in college for a semester and a floor mate for a year. I met Mel and Sharon through Kay as well, although I have not had the chance to spend much time with Sharon. I am so glad I will be able to get to know you and all the girls better.

So where I am in all of this: "It's complicated". I am 25 years old and grew up hearing many many many sermons about premarital sex, and chastity. But really all anyone ever said was DON'T DO IT, ITS A BAD. The only other thing I heard was "Guard your heart", which was way more helpful than any sermons I heard in junior high about not having sex. Seriously, there has to be more than that… and why can't we actually talk about it? I have thought and struggled with all the stuff we never talk about just like everyone else.

Right now I am as much a train wreck as I ever was. Struggling to find the woman I am supposed to be under the mess that I am right now. I am extremely thankful for the presence of God in my life even on the days I know I am walking the wrong direction. When I feel like I am the farthest away that I can get, and nothing about faith makes sense and I no longer know what I believe I have discovered this one truth that will hold me together forever: Jesus loves me. This I know.

That said I am in a very rocky place of life and relationship. I have been dating for nearly a year which frankly is just terrifying to me. I have been struggling with our relationship, communication and future for awhile now and could use some wisdom, love and support from women like you.
I have been pining for church family, for Christian friends, because they just get it, and understand better than my friends who are without faith. Maybe God has brought me all of you lovely women, to be my church family. I am so delighted to meet all of you and to be in a place where it is comfortable to talk about the unmentionables and awkward things in life.

Happy things about me are that I also drink tea like it’s my job, love to sew, knit, crochet, be crafty and cook/bake. More than anything in life I love …Food. I can’t even begin to explain how much I love food. I am constantly looking for new recipes, exotic foods, and watching the food network pining after a bigger kitchen, and a Kitchen Aid stand mixer. There is nothing better than a perfectly cooked Sea Scallop drenched in butter and lemon and a good glass of Riesling, besides maybe chocolate. Ok, fine I can’t pick a favorite because I love all food. Except ham. And I also love to travel, I love discovering new places, meeting new people, marveling at the wonders and beauty that God created. And of course International food.

OK so now that I can’t shut up and I am rambling, I am delighted to meet you all, and so glad that you have been divinely placed in my life.

Re: WARNING: I am SO not an English major.

[young_laugher]

Also, I would like to add this: Despite Sarah's self-admitted stress-messness (hah! say that ten times fast!), she has the unique gift of not stressing out everyone around her---quite the opposite, in fact. She pretty much rocks people's socks off with her aura of kindness and affection and tea. You'd never know she bears burdens like nobody's business, because she's a protector of her friends' hearts.

I like trying to poke her into sharing her burdens sometimes. I'm evil like that. :-D

[ecoj]

So Sharon has politely pointed out that I need to introduce myself at least twice now. Maybe even three times. I hate introductions. But how else will community be discovered if we don’t take the time to reveal ourselves? And every revelation must begin somewhere. So this one begins here, I suppose.

I think I will start by pointing out that sex is good and I have always known this. Much to my younger self’s dismay, my parents were very open and good with the whole sex discussion. I tended to avoid it because ‘look, I’m never getting married. Thus, never having sex. Thus, I DO NOT NEED TO HEAR THIS.’ My parents pressed on despite my horrors. Good for them. I appreciate that now.

I was taught that sex is intended for a purpose, that purpose is inside marriage, and thus in order to honor God and myself (and, I suppose, my future-maybe-someday spouse [hi! I’m almost 27 and single.]) I should keep sex within its ‘legal’ bounds. Ice cream is good, but too much ice cream or ice cream at the wrong time is not good. (Or am I the only one that has to have a healthy balance of protein? I’m not much of a sugar/caffeine person…but if I have either without proper amounts of protein, I cannot function. It’s not a good example, but it’s an example nonetheless.)

I should have probably started with ‘My name is Jenn’ and ‘if I was in a fantasy book, I would fulfill the character archetype of Wizard…do with that what you may’. (Also. This last statement may not be true and is subject to change at any given whim of the writer. Tomorrow I may decide that, no, no, I am not Gandalf. I am…ummm…SARUMAN…wait, no! Bad example!) I, apparently, really like parentheticals.

The problem I have with introductions, really, is I don’t know what to say that will be interesting to the listener. So, I’ll finish with saying that this community is a good thing. Even for someone who has a healthy view of sex, there are still conversations to be had that just aren’t discussed in church. Sex exists! For single people and married people there needs to be a safe place to discuss sex AND sexuality (which, I will argue, are two different things. Sex is a physical act but sexuality is so. much. more.).

And…that’s it. I’m Jenn...do with that what you may. ;)

[llchang]

i just wanted to say that i love your references...Lord of the Rings is AWESOME!

Olly Olly Oxen Free

[mandapanda]

Hi! Hi! Hi!
I'm super excited about this blog!!!
Oh right...Hi, my name is Amanda :D I am an undergraduate at Georgia Tech pursuing Mechanical Engineering, but don't let the major fool you. I am an pseudo-fashionista, and aspiring personal stylist/shopper. I'm taking a class called Internal Combustion engines and it is AWESOME!
Yea...and in general I don't like pink. I also laugh really loudly. I am a walking musical. I love Jesus.
On this blog, I have lots of questions on what it means to be a godly woman living in times such as these, and have also had experiences, and gotten great advice that I would love to share. So yea, I'm ecstatic :D

Re: Olly Olly Oxen Free

[llchang]

SO I WAS RIGHT! I didn't know you were on here cuz you didn't post! miss and love you girlie! ENGINEERS UNITE! btw, internal combustion engines sound pretty dang cool...i'm kinda jealous!

[grace_and_peace]

Hello,

My name is Kelly. I’m sorry I am so late in posting this. I lost track of time, and had to ask Kay how to post – technology, not my strong point. Anyway, I am a twenty two year old who lives in New Jersey. I love to bake, knit, and drink tea in bed with a good book. I don’t consider myself a writer. To be honest I’ve always gravitated more towards math and science, so please forgive me if nothing I write is as beautiful as your own posts. I recently graduated with my BA in Psyc and am excited about starting Graduate school for occupational therapy in the fall.

My parents have always been pretty open about sex. When I was 4 my favorite book was called “How You Were Born”. I think I even wanted to give it as a birthday present to a friend that year. I do feel the church struggles when it comes to the discussing sex. In many ways I feel the church touches on puberty, slaps a purity ring on the girls’ fingers, and call it a day. I am grateful to the wonderful older women who have “broken the cone of silence”. Despite this I still feel there is no real ongoing conversation.

As far as dating goes, I haven’t. I made the conscience decision (I’m not sure when…maybe in middle school) that I was not going to date until I felt I was ready to get married. At the time I felt dating was a complete waste of time unless both people were in a place in their lives where they were ready to look for a spouse. As I went through high school my belief only became stronger. I believe I was able to have closer friendships with both guys and women because I was not caught up in the drama of dating. College was even easier than high school as far not dating. It may have helped that I choice a major made up almost exclusively of women. As of today I continue to wait. Happily waiting for the man I believe God has for me. I tend to be quite oblivious, so someday the Lord may have to give me a little nudge, but for now I think of my future husband very little. I am actually very happy being single, and view this waiting time as a precious. I am able to focus on aspects that I need to change in myself. I have this time to work through my own issues so I don’t bring them into my future marriage.

I am very grateful to the women who have started this blog. It is very much need for today’s Christian women.

Welcome, Kelly!

[young_laugher]

Oh, Kelly, I'm so glad you made it! I'm looking forward to getting to know you better in the upcoming months. Welcome, welcome!

I like the way your initial decision regarding dating (i.e. not seeking it until you were ready to consider marriage as well) complements an upcoming post by Melanie, on the equal-but-opposite error: giving a dating relationship the same tenacious till-death-do-us-part work that belongs in marriage. It'll go up tomorrow, in case you're interested. But I think it's good for us to hold the two realities simultaneously: that dating ought not be flippant, but neither should poor dating relationships be viewed as set in stone, the way rough patches in marriage are.

I'd like to add, too, that it's hard for me to envision your dad NOT talking about any subject, however taboo, that relates so crucially to spiritual health and right relationship with God :-)

[cadenzamuse]

Is anyone still checking this thread?

Hi. My name is Sophia. I'm engaged. And I've had sex.

Yeah, I know, I'd like to introduce you to other aspects of myself (like the fact that I think I have the dubious honor of being the only person to have actually met in person all but one of the members here). Or the fact that I'm an event planner and I just got the most brilliant internship ever. Or the fact that my fiance and I are improvisers, and I think that basically all of life should involve doing improv comedy or reading a book.

But honestly, the thing that has kept me lurking in the background, afraid to open up to this community, is anger and fear and shame and joy regarding the very purpose of the community: sex.

I'm a pretty liberal Christian, which I think makes me a minority in this community. I'm a Lutheran (ELCA). My pastor is a partnered gay man. My relationship with God is long on love and short on obedience. I'm a bit defensive about this, because I've been pretty burned in the past by people of a more conservative theological bent whose keen intent on holiness had narrowed into an obsession that deadened them to remembering to love me. I'm defensive about saying that, because several members of this community are members of the church community or network that I perceive in this way, that I still feel I am recovering from, that I still occasionally desperately want to warn people away from.

I'm also bisexual. I'm defensive about this too! (Are we noticing a trend?) But I think that the fact that I am attracted to both men and women is a healthy, beautiful, God-given thing, and that my sexuality as the whole being of my thoughts and spirit and body in relation to sex cannot be untied from its queerness, and shouldn't be. That I have a uniquely lovely sexuality in part because it is queer.

Right, back to the having sex. I was talking with Kay on the phone earlier today, and she mentioned that everyone here is struggling with sex and sexuality in a very visceral, powerful, painful way--we're just struggling with different aspects of it. That's hard for me to enter into, because the struggle of sex being so right because everything is right about it except the timing wrestling with the words of well-intentioned friends who believe the lying Church narrative of "you will feel horrible about sex before marriage" is very, very visceral and painful right now. It's hard to look up and see other people's struggles, and it's hard to believe that the well-meaning but ultimately useless platitudes are actually well-meant, that the somewhat academic space in which our minds meet is underlain with blood and tears and love.

And the short version is: I don't regret having had sex. (Maybe I will tell this story sometime, how the first time I had sex was, in the words of the Exultet, a "happy fault / O necessary sin of Adam / that won for us so great a redeemer." How I treasure it, because of its beauty. How having sex was what finally helped me see why God asks us to wait, what finally helped me to trust God enough to want to wait for sex until marriage.) What I regret is that we keep trying not to have sex and failing. It's discouraging. It allows guilt and shame and separation to God to enter into something that is staggeringly gorgeous and intimate and freeing and unifying (us to one another and us to God). It's alienating, lonely-making.

So, here I am, sisters. I confess to Almighty God, and to you, my sisters, that I have sinned through my own fault, in my thoughts and in my words, in what I have done and what I have failed to do. I ask Blessed Mary, all the angels and saints, and you, my sisters, to pray for me to the Lord Our God.

Joy at seeing you, dear one!

[young_laugher]

Oh, my dear Sophia, how glad I am that you took a huge gulp and decided to throw your lot in with us here. Welcome. Welcome.

I think you've arrived at clarity at last in the sentences you wrote here: "My relationship with God is long on love and short on obedience. I'm a bit defensive about this, because I've been pretty burned in the past by people of a more conservative theological bent whose keen intent on holiness had narrowed into an obsession that deadened them to remembering to love me."

That is really the heart of all the long rambles we sent back and forth to each other, yes?

And if I know anything about you, it is that you are opened and quickened to life by a lavishing of love---that contempt, judgment, or true-in-content-but-not-in-spirit rebukes whip up your hackles and drive you away. I happen to be married to a man who responds to life and fellow believers the same exact way, and his heart, as yours, is precious to me. :-)

So, I am praying that you joining hands with all of us motley crew will increase God's ability to lavish His love on you, and that in our camaraderie, we might all stumble a little nearer to Truth.

[cheyinka]

Hi! Online I go by Cheyan (it's not my given name); I found this community via the Latest Things feed, and was intrigued, and here I am. The idea of a place that's all about discussing Christian womanhood really appealed to me, since I don't have anything like that sort of place in the offline world. :)

Oh! Hello!

[young_laugher]

Hello stranger,

We were surprised that our little community was at all visible to the outside world... and we did in fact suffer a brief spasm of shyness and worry over the idea of letting a stranger come see our intimate thoughts. But in the end, we think that perhaps you were guided here for a reason, and so, we hesitantly entrust you with this space. Welcome, and we're glad to meet you.

(On behalf of the moderators)

Hello all :)

[hibisca]

Hi everyone!

My name is Hibisca, and I was invited here by Amanda, though I do know a handful of others here in person too. I've actually spent the past week reading through all the old entries and comments and can now confidently reaffirm my original excitement about this blog community/ extended fireplace sleepover.

The basics on myself... I am in my first year of grad school at Georgia Tech, where I've thought and re-thought about whether I really want to be an engineer. (Other career options currently in the running include piano teacher, high school teacher, stay-at-home suburban mom, and third-world country missionary.) I am in a relationship with a guy named Shune, and we've been together for three and a half years. Our story has been one of redemption in many ways, one including his coming to know Christ about a year ago.

Reading through this blog this past week has already been a huge blessing; I feel like I've caught a glimpse of what Paul means when he says "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind." I'm looking forward to the future of this community!

Re: Hello all :)

[syf]

Yay and welcome! So glad you're here (especially when you say such lovely things about TTH :)). We should talk at some point about grad school doubts (I'm having them too)!

more big seestturrss?? SPLEE!

[tomi_fals7]

Hi, I'm Tomi!

i'm a 20 year old emory college student currently taking the semester off. i'm a sociology major and a global health minor..haha sorry, i think i'd be going against my nature if i didnt include that information.

i was invited by tamara, and i know a couple other ladies on here as well. however, im thoroughly looking forward to getting to know you all in such a sweet and intimate way in this blessed community. <3

i guess in a way i'm learning more and more how God, Himself seeks us out personally and its a crazzyyy adventure honestly. its like i can mentally see myself running away from Him, or turning my back on Him, but for some reason that i still don't fully understand, He still wants me and ...wants to use this broken vessel of mine. i don't get it, and i struggle with it alot. i am finding, however that this struggle is leading and has lead to growth and a relationship that i would've never imagined a just short of a years ago. [sorries if alot of the stuff i say doesn't make sense im a "head-talker" too...haha...and if it isnt obvious already...i avoid the shift key and other grammatically correct..err..things.. :]] basically, thank God for grace..

im pretty conservative in most of my views of sex and sexuality. i probably get it mostly from my parents although we never had a "formal" talk, but their "tomi, once you lose it you'll never get it back" talks with me did quite the trick. personally im a little off and on about the issue, all within the context of marriage, of course. off in that its such a personal and intimate and barrier breaking process that im afraid to let someone else enter my life in such a personal way, regardless of the fact that the "someone" is my husband..and on, in that i hear its fun. haha..too much? either way, i'm single and in a place where in i want to learn to be joyful and purposeful in my single-hood...without an underlying theme of bitterness. i kinda struggle with this too...in that i tend to become attracted to guys and end up not knowing what to do with myself..haha im such a child..im sorry..

to be honest i can be a bit naive and guarded at times, which makes some topics a little uncomfortable for me, but im slowly but surely learning [ i like learning :D] that Godly community calls for some uncomfortable conversations...which leads to healing and prayer.

all in all IM SOOOOOOO EXCITEDDD!

-tons o love
tomes

Re: more big seestturrss?? SPLEE!

[young_laugher]

Tomi, welcome and more welcomes! I feel just as though we're scooting our sleeping bags over to make room for yours in our cozy circle. The way you describe the odd up-and-down, backwards-and-forwards arc of learning to know God and His ways is JUST RIGHT. Thank God it is His patience and continual, faithful work on our behalf that holds us to the course, not our own ephemeral natures, right?

Your paradoxical "I'm scared of sex because of how crazily intimate it is to let Someone get that close" and "I think it'll be crazily fun, too" thoughts sound quite similar to my own, during single years. And if I may, I think the wariness about sex and the nervous/anxious fears surrounding it start to fade once the "someone" becomes an actual, known, and loved man-friend whose voice and face are familiar comforts to you. It is the familiarity, the safety of friendship upon which good marriages are built, that at last defeats sex-fears and exalts sex-joys to the heights they can attain. Of course the thought is intimidating in the abstract---but thank God, He designed it ONLY for the particular, for the home-like, for the well-beloved and already-intimate...

Re: So. Erm. Hello. This is me.

[megan_lyn]

Welcome to the group, Mara!! Miss you very much and am so glad that you're apart of this. The internet is a beautiful thing when we're all far away from each other and can still connect.

So. Erm. Hello. This is me.

[ungelic_is_us]

Bleatings and salivations to you!

(Hee puns! Sorry.)

Hi! I'm a little late to the slumber party, but rather glad to be here. My name is Mara. My username is an obscure quote from one of my favorite Anglo-Saxon poem that can variously be translated, "We are separated," "Our lives are apart," and "Our destinies are different." I'm a lit!geek who mostly reads fantasy, a grammarian descriptivist with proscriptivist impulses, a cooker of random experiments that (usually) turn out ok, and a bit of a jaqueline of all trades when it comes to crafting. I tend to live in a drift of messy dishes and half-finished projects. I read too much Victorian literature as a kid and as a consequence have a penchant for long sentences with too many appendant clauses.

In the interest of laying my cards out on the table and being really honest: I'm also a lesbian with a loving (older) boyfriend who knows about and supports my orientation. We've made it work, somehow. I'm probably a bit liberal for this crowd, but I love and respect the views of my conservative sisters and brothers.

My relationship with Christianity is complex and involves a lot of hurt, anger, and passion. I suffer from depression. I was molested as a child by a close family friend. Most of the women in my blood family were sexually abused at some point, sometimes by family members. The attitudes towards sexuality in family have been/are poisonous, often because of the lack of healthy and open discussion, and this is something from which I've struggled to pull myself free.

Discovering feminism has helped with this struggle a lot, to put it mildly.

(I'm struggling to come up with what's most relevant to an introduction. I don't want to over-share but I don't want to leave anything out either.)

When Kay told me a bit about this community I really fell in love with the idea. I live near San Francisco and frequently find myself serving as what I think of as an interpreter of Christians to the liberals. Most of my friends here are secularists; I've disconnected from the church to give myself time to process all of my beliefs (and damage) but I've really missed the conversation of sincere believers and I've always wanted to be able to talk about these unspoken things. Thank you for letting me in.

Re: So. Erm. Hello. This is me.

[young_laugher]

Welcome to the slumber party, O long-missed Mara! I'm shifting my sleeping bag over to make room for yours. Oh, and while you're up, I think we're running low on Doritos...

P.S. If you think you're TMI, you should see the post where Sharon told us about how Jason compliments her labia, or our recent discussion on how we like to trim our pubic hair. Man, this community sounds really sketchy when I say it like that... I swear we're good, godly women, really!

An introduction. We shall see how proper it turns out...

[theatre_nymph]

Hi. My name is Jess and I am 28. I live in Chicago and I work as a theater stage manager. I found this through my friend Mara and I am excited to delve into the many entries I need to catch up on. I grew up in church and I went to Oral Roberts University for my undergrad. I jokingly call myself a liberal conservative or a conservative liberal depending on the audience.

I have been doing a lot of discussion in my 20's with frustrated girlfriends and clueless guy friends on the topic of relationships. It sometimes seems that in the zeal that many of us were indoctrinated with "Don't do those things. It's bad." we jumped to the extreme other side and have not educated ourselves, which is just scary. I have had a number of friends who got married, but still felt guilty at the concept of consummating it, afraid to talk about it and I just felt sadness. Sex is something should be a good thing in a marriage, not a stressful taboo!

I am currently single and I am still a virgin. As startling as that fact is to some of my theater friends who know this, it is just as startling to some of my church friends that I try to educate myself so thoroughly: asking questions, reading books, and talking with those with experience. Learn from others!

That said, I look forward to learning more about you all and from you all. With mentions of tea, quotes and C.S. Lewis, I thought I would end with a quote incorporating all three :)

"You can't get a cup of tea big enough or a book long enough to suit me."
C. S. Lewis

Re: An introduction. We shall see how proper it turns out...

[novemberseas]

You will be most welcome here :)

Hello!

[nomibee22]

Hello. I am Naomi, I am a friend and coworker of the loverly SarahJean. I don't know what to say here. This will be a new, exciting experience for me. I never really had too many girlfriends due to who knows why. I blame it on marrying young. I got married at age 22 but have been with this man since I was 15 so that didn't leave a whole lot of room for lady friends when all I wanted to do was talk on the phone to my betrothed. My hubby and I moved away from our home state and that also prevented serious girlfriendships. So needless to say, THANK YOU! Thanks for thinking of me and opening your arms to me.

Re: Hello!

[megan_lyn]

You are in for a treat then because we're a wonderful community of supportive girlfriends and we're so happy to have you here! Welcome!

Better (very) late than never

[lizsperlich07]

Hello ladies! Thank you for inviting me to be a part of this intriguing group of what seem to be fully-honest women in total abandon to Jesus Christ. I love that you all are willing to be so forthcoming about such deep places in your souls. My name is Liz, and Kay gently reminded me to introduce myself when I was (oh so happily) visiting with her and a few other dear ones last week. So here I am.

Four and a half years ago on an abnormally, wonderfully 78 degree day in January, I married the guy I love and SO enjoy. When people asked me how I knew I was supposed to get married, I (at 21 years old) told them that I knew I was supposed to marry this guy because I couldn't imagine going a day without his love, communication, and support (and still can't). We met in high school, and it was a regular little Christian romance novel, for the most part--cute, innocent, endearing. However, due to this aforementioned knuckle-knocking by the church, I did recognize our need for purity and desired it with my whole self but was fully unprepared for how to walk that out. Also, our dating period was so long due to our young age, which made waiting that much more difficult. My mom was very open about the beauty of sex, how God made it for our pleasure in marriage, and how deep blessings were given to those who wait. She told me this as a woman who did not wait until marriage, saying that she believed in the ultimate and beautiful redemption of God (and saw it clearly in her own life with my dad), but that she wanted me to experience blessings she believed she might have missed due to the baggage she still carried from her previous sexual relationship. Despite the warnings, we made what I considered mistakes during our courtship (I use this term because we saw ourselves as lifetime companions from early on), and I was constantly wracked with guilt over the slightest infractions (and what I thought were infractions... were they?) Therefore, this forum is so exciting to me. I want to see what you all have to say about this topic as I am currently working with the Junior High Youth at my church, have a younger (dating) sister, and may someday have my own daughters... and where does one even begin in this vast realm of dating and sex? Also, though I am so very joyful in my marriage today, I realize I do still have unanswered questions about that time of our lives together... what was right? What was wrong? What didn't matter?


Anyway, a little about what takes up my time: I am a tenth grade English teacher, but I do not pretend to be a poetic writer. I've tried and tried to be an author, but I keep finding I either do not enjoy the writing process as such or it comes out sounding pretty cheesy. I do enjoy working with fifteen to eighteen year olds on how to write research papers, on finding and applying parts of speech, and on learning how to get through entire (are you serious, Mrs. Sperlich?) books without completely giving up on tenth grade English class. It's so fun, and best of all, I've realized more than ever this year, this is my ministry. I have been placed there for a reason known only to my wonderful Father, and for that reason, I will do my best every day to show those kids how much I and God love them. Especially now after what I consider a miracle-- I was furloughed by my district and brought back into my exact same position a month later. THANK YOU, JESUS! :)

I want to leave you all with a verse that was and is healing balm to me throughout not only my dating life but my life every day:

Romans 8:1-3
1 So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus. 2 And because you belong to him, the power of the life-giving Spirit has freed you from the power of sin that leads to death. 3 The law of Moses was unable to save us because of the weakness of our sinful nature. So God did what the law could not do. He sent his own Son in a body like the bodies we sinners have. And in that body God declared an end to sin’s control over us by giving his Son as a sacrifice for our sins.



P.S. If you've noticed my habit of throwing parentheses around, blame it all on Crystal Downing. Some of you Messiah-ans know (of) her... she is famous to me, and during my college saga, a big part of me so wanted to be her in those leather pants and high heels teaching English 101 to entranced undergrads. Her book, How Postmodernism Serves (My) Faith, still intrigues me. As do her parentheticals.

Also, how do I italicize things? It's driving my grammatical self a little crazy.

Re: Better (very) late than never

[young_laugher]

First, Oh, welcome, Liz! I'm psyched you're officially among us and really can't wait to hear your voice chiming in on the various threads on here.

Second, italics are achieved by this means: < I > your dramatic text here < / I >, except without the spaces in between. You can also make bold text the same way, by replacing the I with a B, and I think underlining works with a U, too. The only other bit of HTML I use, which the girls here taught me to do, is inserting a hyperlink. We use it sometimes to point people handily to articles or sites we liked that are apropos to the topic, or to link back to other threads and points made in discussion. You can do that like this: < A HREF = "www.yourwebsite.com" > the actual text that shows, underlined in blue, here < / A >. (Note that there is a single space between A and HREF in the finished HTML code... it should look like <A HREF= to start out with.) Back to your gorgeous introduction---I still remember some of the conversations we had together when we were both... erm, engaged but chomping at the bit... in college. How encouraging it was to know and speak candidly with a young woman in the same stage of things! Two last things came to mind while reading: one, that hopefully you'll enjoy the rolling up of the sleeves and working out more truth together here, and that some of that will be not only an evaluation of the past and solidifying of beliefs about the before-marriage stage of life, but that some of it, too, will be truth for today: for our married selves, helping us love our husbands better. Then two was: don't feel intimidated by the sheer volume of some of the threads on here. Stick in your oar wherever you have a thought, even if you think it's "too late" and the discussion's over already. I personally enjoy every fresh new voice on here!

A little of me

[colldoll616]

Hello! I'm Colleen, but lately I've taken to being called Liz (middle name Elizabeth). You may call me anything you like as long as it isn't "Collie." I’m 25 and hail from the Central Jersey Shore. You should come and spend a day at the beach with me – I’ll buy you an Italian Ice!

I am very excited about this group; I was informed of its creation a long time ago but couldn't get an invite code that worked, and subsequently forgot about its existence. Kay (a dear friend from childhood and constant source of truth in my life) prodded me recently to try again, so here I am. I know several of you from life and look forward to getting to know the rest of you in whatever ways are presented to us!

I remember snippets of my childhood and corresponding discussions mostly because they were either very pleasant or very unpleasant. The in-between things (such as sex discussions) I can classify as neither. I don't recall talking explicitly about sex with my parents, but knowing myself to be curious and independent, most of my sex education came from seeking out answers through books, movies, porn, talks with friends and physical exploration/masturbation.

Growing up homeschooled and in a conservative Christian home, the general climate about sex was cool -- as in, "True Love Waits," "I Kissed Dating Goodbye," "its proper place is heterosexual marriage," and, "fast forward the naughty parts of movies." Still, I never felt shy about it. I've always had a desire for blunt honesty -- wanting to get down to the facts -- so I could sift them out and form opinions of my own. My parents’ desires to help me make it to marriage before having sex was from two very strong influences: their Christianity and their past mistakes. As to the first, I am a Christian (though an ever-increasingly unconventional one). Regarding the second, I seem fated to make my own mistakes.

I often feel as though I “peaked” when I was 17 – traveling to Europe and Africa, graduating early from high school, a potential art career in the making and the world in general ahead of me. But in many ways, I have spent my years since then unraveling those “achievements” and the characteristics I possessed to accomplish them. Basically, I’m very much in flux and may not be the same from one day to the next, though it’s not as insane as it seems.

To keep this from getting overlong, I will give you the bullet points:

- My dad spent several years in a relationship with another man before marrying my mom
- My dad also encouraged an ex to get an abortion in his twenties
- Upon learning about my dad’s homosexual relationship, my questions regarding my own sexuality made more sense and seemed to be not such a betrayal
- I got my period when I was 9 which was not confusing but polarizing since I couldn’t relate to anyone else my age
- I have had sex with one man over the course of several years in the context of an exclusive friends-with-benefits situation; I do not regret it and he is still a very good friend
- I started watching porn when I was 15; I do regret it and still struggle. I wish this topic were less taboo among women and not considered a “male” problem
- I am genuinely conflicted about two things: I am not convinced that homosexual sex (let alone marriage) is wrong; and I am not convinced that premarital sex is wrong, though I will concede it is not always preferable.
- None of these questions lead me to doubt that the Bible is Scripture or that Jesus is God and savior of humankind.

I love cooking, hiking, sleeping, organizing, traveling, family trees, singing loudly in my car while driving alone, typography, and discussing inappropriate topics like politics and religion at dinner. I don’t like talking on the phone, air conditioning, cilantro, fluorescent lighting, catalogues, knick-knacks or tchotchkes, or bad graphic design.

Love to you all.

Re: A little of me

[cadenzamuse]

Oh, Colleen, many hugs to you.

I am wondering/have wondered through the same two questions as you: I came out as bisexual within the last couple of years, so had to come to terms with reconciling my faith and my sexuality; and now I'm leaning more and more towards feeling like premarital sex is not always wrong. (Partially because of my own experiences and having sex with my fiance, and partially on a philosophical leve.) The second one I'm still puzzling through, often frustratedly and lonely-ly. :-P

So, let me be the first to say: welcome, friend, and thank you for your honesty! Have some popcorn. Put on some comfy pajamas. :)

(And let me say that the one thing I do take issue with is your distaste for cilantro. How dare you! :-P But you and Tom would get along well with the distaste for phone conversations and air conditioning. The air conditioning particularly has been a learning curve for me...)